I Don't Want To Be That Anymore

 

            We stretched our bubble a bit the other night and went to a friend’s for supper. We’ve been trying to keep in touch with him since the recent death of his partner. He’s kind of an introverted fellow and we make some effort to keep him from cocooning and to give him a distraction from his thoughts as he stumbles through his grieving. Also there were some dear friends of his there and we settled in to a low key lasagna fueled evening.

            The conversation was fairly light, but it soon became obvious that the other couple was itching to bring up the political scene. I thought it inappropriate given the general atmosphere and intent of the evening was to provide a non-threatening supportive environment for a grieving friend. So, I did my best not to engage.

            I knew our friend was of Conservative inclination and he knew that I’ve become disenfranchised with the Conservatives. I don’t wade into that pond knowing that the waves we might make might compromise our friendship when I know that he’s in a fragile spot where he needs friends the most. I also know that he tends to sympathize with the far-right misinformed narrative that is typical of Southern Alberta Conservatism. A topic best avoided for now.

            The other couple, however, missed that memo and launched into the Right-Wing Nut Job script with gay abandon. All the greatest hits: guns, LGBTQ, gender, WEF, and communism. Punctuated regularly by “that idiot, SOB, retard, communist, Trudeau and that bumbling, geriatric, demented Biden.”

            I stated that I don’t like to mix politics with social pleasantries because it usually just becomes an unpleasant bitch session. The man in the chair next to me said he was open minded and had friends that did not agree with him politically and he was happy to have spirited chats with them. Then they listed off a few of those friends and how all of them were misled by the lefties and communists and that so and so Trudeau. They recalled encounters about friends with children with gender issues. They dug in to their positions and judged them as bad parents and progressive puppets. If that was how they spoke of their “friends” I’m not so sure I want to be on that list.

            The political character in Southern Alberta is still very much hard right-wing. There are those like me, however, who are disenfranchised; abandoned by the New Conservatism. We sit closer to center without many options. Reluctant to vote for the NDP who are taking more space in the center but are encumbered by a past full of baggage. Physically ill when faced with voting for the latest iteration of Conservatism under the UCP who are puppets of a far-right pseudo political action faction. I’ve found some shelter with the small Alberta Party who are quite apart from the sound and fury raging in our provincial politics and are much nearer the center right. For now a very suitable option albeit a bit of a shout in the wind. But a shout nonetheless.

Those people at the dinner table last night see nothing wrong with how the Conservatives are behaving. They do not see the erosion of democratic principles and the slow but sure trend towards authoritarian control. They cling to their YouTube and Google affirmations of their conspiratorial world view. They espouse their enlightened knowledge of alternative medicine, anti-vax rhetoric, Bud Light, and Freedom Fighting. They rail against New World Order movements under a globalist illuminati to which all Liberals and Socialists belong. Their opinions about the issues of gender identity, sexual preference, and reproductive rights are equivalent to the worst kind of bigotry imaginable. Similarly they’re anti-immigration for the same ignorant, fearful reasons.

            It took a great deal of restraint not to wade into that wallow with them. I knew that it would be an effort in vain anyhow.

And I also knew that I was there at that table to support a friend during a time of need. I saw the tears well up at the mention of his departed loved one. I heard the lump in his throat when he recalled a shared experience with her. I physically felt his grief across the table. I so wanted to have that evening reinforcing a relationship with him that was safe and unconfrontational. I did not want to encumber that experience with discomfort and discord.

So I sat in silence. Perhaps that created its own discomfort. I thought it might convey an air of respect for the sanctity of our encounter but it did not. I fidgeted a little, bit my tongue a lot, and was deeply disappointed.

I’ve mulled over a few scenarios where I might have an opportunity to engage those people in discussion quite apart from our grieving friend. There’s no percentage in that. I’ll just be added to that list of people who have been misled. Most certainly that encounter would be shared with my friend and the dynamic would change.

This is the fallout of the new right-wing movement. This is the character of a movement that has conscripted legions of decent people and has capitalized on their common, fearful, unsophisticated sensibilities. This is evidence of an indoctrination into a bona-fide cult. This is a calculated effort by puppet masters who are well schooled in the art of psychological manipulation. This is a symptom of a systemic campaign of misinformation that has gathered up victims in all walks of life. This is the New Conservativism that will usher in the fall of our democracy. This is the corrosion of our friendships, our families, our communities, and our nations. This is why I so wanted to confront those people and say all of these things and give them evidence that it is happening.

But I did not. I think I parted with my friend on good footing. I shook his hand, embraced him and offered him a sanctuary if he needed it. We both teared up. That’s why I was there. I’m sure once we were out of the driveway, those ungraceful folks would begin building my profile.

I should not really care how they perceive me. What I do care about is the fact that they have been assimilated into that position in much the same way a frog can be boiled to death a degree of water temperature at a time without much fuss. They cannot and will not see their demise. The attachment of the group has entirely consumed them. They would quite likely claim to die for their convictions and claim it an act of patriotism. For that I pity them, but I am fearful that they will be the ones who assume the reins in the race towards our downfall.

This is the burden of being empathetic. This is Southern Alberta in real time. And this isn’t what I want for the next generations to bear. There’s a lot at stake and we’re squandering our future by capitulating to that ignorance and rage. We will likely elect another government that will perpetuate this decay. And we will wonder why things don’t get better.

Because, damn it, that’s who we’ve always been.

I don’t want to be that any more.